Home

Home

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When I was little, home is just a place to me — this small apartment that lays between the police office and fire station, next to the mountain. I guess that mentality has to do with the fact that my family had never moved before. I didn’t really understand the concept of ‘home’.

Arriving at adulthood, I left this place and lived on another piece of land for a while, without my family around. I came to realise that home is not a place, but a feeling, of belonging, security and attachment. 

My family and friends make me feel home. My comfort is developed through spending time with them. I became aware that they can’t be physically here all of the time as we’re all constantly moving. So, I developed this shelter within me.

A question that I always ask myself — are you attached to this place, or the people? The answer is always the latter. So whether I’ve searched for a place that I feel like I belong does not really matter anymore. What truly matters is, they are always here, inside the left side of my chest.

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17 things I’ve learnt in 2017

17 things I’ve learnt in 2017

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1. 1. Don’t feel pressured to do something just because you’’re afraid of missing out. Listen to yourself, ask yourself what you truly want and sort out your priorities.
   2. Fear stops you from immense possibilities. Believe in yourself and try first. You never know where it will take you.
   3. Don’t be shy to initiate a conversation with a stranger. You can learn a lot from his/ her story. Not to mention that you might discover a soulmate of your lifetime. 
   4. If you are passionate about what you’re studying, you will find the joy of studying.
   5. Stand for what you believe in.
   6. It’s ok to be different. You don’t have to act like everyone else just so you can blend in.
   7. Take care of your feelings just like how you take care of others’.
   8. Embrace your own uniqueness. Don’t let anyone take it away from you.
   9. Facing your insecurities is tough but it will make you grow.
   10. Care less about what other people might think about you. Focus on becoming the ideal “you”.
   11. Never underestimate what you are capable of doing.
   12. Good friends are not whom you’ve known the longest, but whom will stick with you till the end.
   13. Forget about “being good enough”. 
   14. Distance isn’t a boundary for keeping a relationship with someone. True friends always find a way to stay in your life.
   15. Whenever you’re having a tough day, look up to the sky, and remind yourself that the whole universe is striving with you too.
   16. People change, so memory is the most beautiful thing.
   17. Surround yourself with people that bring the best of you. 

Memories

Memories

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Having one of those nights where my mind just goes turbulent and wouldn’t stop thinking about stuff. 

I don’t know if you’ve come cross a moment when you just suddenly feel like you’re reliving a specific time in your memory. 

All at once, you feel like you’re back at that corridor in the school residence on your first day of arrival. 

You remember exactly how lost you were at that time. The sweat on your palm when you first opened your dorm door with two big suitcases resting beside you. The curiosity to everything around you when you explored around this new place. The nerve that suddenly came to you when you laid in bed and realised, shit, I’m staying here for the coming 4 months. 

You remember exactly how you shedded happy tears and jumped up and down in your room after making your first ever friend in this new environment.

You remember exactly how you started a conversation with that person who sat opposite you on the dining table and had no idea that this person would become one of the most significant people in your life.

I’ve always been a person who lives in the past. People and things change, that’s why memory is the most beautiful thing. It stays with you always, and no one could ever take it away from you. I always turn memories into different forms – photos, videos, words… But the most beautiful form of memory is still the one that lives inside you. It belongs only to you and can only be felt along your heart.

Youth

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My mum took out some old photo albums the other day. 

It felt so weird to look at the pictures of my mum and dad, when they were just like one of us. I guess being a daughter, it’s easy to forget that our parents were once our age, felt the same lostness, and not knowing what to do with their lives. The photos are such magical things to behold. It’s like looking into the history. It’s how it all started. There are many questions I want to ask this cute couple in the photos. I wonder how they would feel if I told them what their future would look like 30 years later. And isn’t it fascinating how me, me right now, is going to be a history someday too? One day, I’ll tell stories about my crazy adventure when I was young, wild and free.

Fear

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I went ship jumping for the first time two weeks ago. 

I’m not particularly scared of height, just that, the thought of falling is intimidating to me.

Standing on the edge of the boat, I overlooked into the sea. The coach patted me on the back, hinting me to jump. I held on to my safety jacket and started to panic — wait, what do I do again? Do I just keep my legs straight the whole time or? What if I drown?

“Go, girl, go.” 

I don’t know where that gut came from, I made that jump.

That feeling of uncontrollableness, getting pulled by gravity and being sucked into this black hole. All these happened in a spilt second. I was already soaked in salt water before I could react. The ache on my thigh from hitting on the water, a pair of flushing hands and the salt water dripping down my throat. Yet all these didn’t matter to me anymore, the only ting I was thinking was, Angel, you did it, you did it.

After the first jump, we were asked to jumped off the ship 9 more times, each being more challenging than the previous one. You might think I would have gotten used to it on my 10th jump, but no, it didn’t get less scarier each time. Every time the coach told us we are stepping this up, I doubted myself if I could do it. I had even thought of chickening out by lying to the coach that I was sick, or just hiding in the bathroom the whole time. But I did all the 9 jumps at last. 

I subconsciously gave myself limits. I thought that the 2.5 mitres was my limit until the coach kept pushing and pushing the “limit”. I’ve proven myself wrong every time.

Before starting this adventure, I anticipated nothing but pure fun and relaxation. I didn’t expect to take home a life lesson. 

If I was told that I had to jump off 10 times before deciding to join this ship trip, I don’t think I would have even gone because it’s too scary.  A lot of the times, I set limits for myself, because I’m scared. I avoid to try because I’m threatened of what would possibly go wrong. I hold myself back before trying and this has hindered me from many unforeseen possibilities. I’ve learnt that conquering fear is probably the only way to achieving great things in life. Everything seems impossible until it’s been done. If I never try and stay in my comfort zone forever, what better things can come to my doorstep? Overcoming fear is to discover the You who are capable of achieving a lot more. 

Do more things that you are afraid of so you’d no longer be afraid.

Directions

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“So, what are you going to do after graduation?” I got asked this question a lot these days.

This whole “last year of Uni” life is f**king me up. It’s intimidating to think about how soon I’m ending my student life and beginning my next phase of life. Paradoxically, I actually look forward to this new chapter which I can finally be able to make my own plans, be responsible for my decisions and set free. It’s just that the illusion the society has given us that we ought to know our next step after graduation is stressing me out. 

And, well, I don’t have an answer for What I wanna be but Who I wanna be. 

I want to become someone who

creates things that she’s proud of,

works in an environment where she can be herself,

be able to inspire people in some ways,

wakes up every day and be excited for work,

overcomes her fears and takes challenges,

can take care of her family, and

explores the wonders of this dazzling world.

All these might sound extremely vague, yet they’re all I’m looking for in a career path.

As bewildered as I might feel, all these give me directions to becoming who I wanna be. 

Right now, I feel the urge to keep working hard and improving myself. Life is so intricate but Imma keep dreaming and not let reality suffocate me.  Notwithstanding this constant search of clarity which I know I can never grip, I will learn to love this perpetual feeling of lostness.

Someday

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I’m inspired. I’m working in the office trying to come up with ideas for my article. I came across this blog about lessons learnt from travelling. The reflection of this person.

What if we’re striving for something that doesn’t exist. 

People say never settle and keep moving forward.

We always hope for a future with a better life.

That future always perceives to be perfect and desirable.

That image is what drive and motivate you.

Why is future always full of possibilities.

When is That gonna happen anyways.

People always presume things to get better, and one day they will arrive at the top of the mountain.

But what if I tell you that you are climbing on this never-ending route of mountain. There’s no top. You’ll never get there, will you act differently?

When you were small, your dream is to be able to afford that backpack that everyone owned. Your desires change constantly.

This road to “success” has no destination.

Be happy at present & enjoy everything life has to offer.💕

Uniqueness

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Living in an era of social media

a generation that is so obsessed with competition

Superiority as a metric of their self-worth

It’s easy to get caught up in an eternal loop of comparison

Look at this, look at that

Their life seem flawless, carefree and dreamy, 

one that everyone strives for.

Sorry to spoil it for you

But what you’ve always endeavoured to achieve

Does not exist.

There’s no such thing as a perfect life

Each person is unique in their distinctive ways

Why compare different individuals

when,

everyone has flaws

everyone shines in their own colors, directions and gloss.

Learn to appreciate each other

Rather than noticing what you are lack of from others

For they have something you don’t; You have something they don’t

The only thing that matters is you are growing better as a person

Better than yesterday

Be a better you

Surprises

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I’m not a big fan of birthdays. Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to spend time with friends and family and the surprises my friends plan to make me happy, I just don’t particularly enjoy the things that come along with it. I’ve written something similar last year before my birthday. And my birthday is coming soon and I’m having this same thought again.

Making my friends happy makes me happy. That’s why I absolutely enjoy planning birthday surprises for my friends. I just love seeing their happy faces. I’m quite a creative thinker myself and I have high standard for birthday surprises. I make sure everything is on point and not a single clue is revealed to the birthday girl/boy.

But then when it comes to my own birthday. I’m put under this awkward place where (as having a detective mind as I have always had) I start getting suspicious of every single thing. Everything just seems fishy to me a week before my birthday. I would imagine what they would have planned. So I would try to find clues and formulate this majestic plan out of my mere imagination. And, I stress myself out, for no reason. 

It’s a dilemma. I hate and love birthdays.

Twist

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I’m a believer of the saying that “everything happens for a reason”. It doesn’t mean that I settle for anything life gives me. It means that I try to cultivate a positive mindset to cope with my obstacles. When something happened, it’s reality and there’s nothing we can do to change that. We can’t decide where life takes us but we can decide our attitude to deal with it.

When I went on exchange in Canada, I took an American literature course. With weak knowledge on American history in comparison to other classmates, I was struggling with it. I had difficulties catching up in class and I blamed myself for selecting this course. I couldn’t drop the course or else I wouldn’t have enough credits to graduate. I had two choices: 1. Get stressed out and suffer through the course. 2. Talk to my professor and see what assistance I can get. I chose the latter.

Turned out the professor was super understanding. She comforted me and told me what I could do to improve.

I ended up learning more from this course with this little twist I’ve made. Despite how scary it seemed to confront, it was the right action to make. I was proud of myself. Mistakes are lessons you can learn from. Setbacks are challenges for you to overcome. Opportunities are steps that you can take.

Make that twist.